(with mad thanks to Sulya for forgiving my blatant theft of an idea)
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Oh yeah, Halle Berry is pretty all right. But you can tell SHE hasn’t had 2 kids.
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Stretch marks are so…heroic. In a sexy, Amazon, kind of way.
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The way you hid carrots in that meal, so that your kids would get their daily recommended amount of vitamin C…HOT!
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Right then, when you were all stretched out trying to wipe the spit-up off the back of the couch, you looked like a 16 year old gymnast.
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It must be so frustrating for you to have to talk at a 1 year old’s level all day. You sit down and tell me EVERY adult thought you had, but just couldn’t share.
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You did HOW many loads of laundry today? Sit the hell down, I’m making you a drink!
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I’m making you a drink!
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Well, if I had to guess, I’d say you were 25. You must have had those kids when you were really young!
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I don’t really find makeup or combed hair all that attractive, anyway.
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I have a full tank of gas, I’ve hired a sitter, and no one will miss us for at least 4 hours. Let’s haul ass to Mexico, baby!
Praying to Darwin 
Add the 11th, which I guess is so very popular
—I love kids…Why dont you go and rest. I will take care of the kids 🙂
These are hilarious!
Yeah, hilarious in a “I’m crying and I hope it’s because I’m laughing so hard, but probably not” kind of way…Thanks Kitty.