Ten Things I Would Say to My 17 Year-Old Self



  1. The cute boys are not nice. The nice boys are not cute. Fortunately, oxytocin (a hormone you will come to appreciate/despise in future) will allow you to eventually see the nice boys as cute, so pick them.

  2. You are not fat. Stop starving yourself. It is setting you up for ugly things later.

  3. Don’t smoke. Yeah, the whole health thing is important, but for god’s sakes, the lines around the eyes…ghastly.

  4. You think you know what you want to “be” when you grow up. Fine. I won’t try to dissuade you (because I know you’re pretty god-damned stubborn). But allow for the possibility that there is more than one way to get there. Take at least one course a semester that has nothing to do with your major.

  5. You will grow into that nose. Sort of. Mostly, you just won’t care anymore, and will actually begin to appreciate your look somewhere in your 30’s. Stop laughing. I’m serious.

  6. Get laid. Yup, I mean it. The time you are spending being afraid of sex would be spent so much better elsewhere. Yes it is a big deal. And I know you can handle it.

  7. Your friends are just as fucked up and confused as you are. They have shit going on in their lives that you have no idea about. Running your life based on the opinions and judgments of these people is wrong, wrong, wrong.

  8. Trust your instincts. All the stuff your parents tell you that you can’t possibly understand, because you’re too young and haven’t lived enough? Bullshit. They’re wrong. You’re right.

  9. You ARE weird. Normal is boring.

  10. The mean girls will get fat. Or too skinny. Either way, they get theirs.


One response to “Ten Things I Would Say to My 17 Year-Old Self

  1. there is a really fun short story in there.

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