Went to a day spa today. Could I just sit back and enjoy it? Noooo. I’m just not wired like that. Some things I thought about while strangers touched me:
1. What is with girls who feel they need to be the most tanned/blonde/thin people in a room? And why do so many girls believe in all three? This isn’t southern California. It’s freakin’ Canada. We’re basically at the edge of the Arctic Shield. (Or we were. Thanks, global warming!) Technically, you should not be that shade of orange, as we do not get enough hours of sunlight (even in summer) to achieve that. If you were as fair as you would have to be to be that blonde, you would not historically be able to survive a winter here. Again, thinness does no one any good when faced with a -40 degree windchill. I do not personally know anyone like this, so I can’t ask them “Hey, what the hell?” But the salon culture seems to attract them in droves.
2. When the girl doing my facial was throwing away the pads she’d used to swipe toner onto my face, I had to physically restrain myself from asking to see them. When I was younger, I was obsessed with facial cleanliness. I would scrub with the strongest soap on hand, then apply ridiculous quantities of Sea Breeze (I’m pretty sure you can’t get that stuff here anymore. It may be available in some former East Bloc countries. I’m looking into it.) Invariably, it would catch some traces of dirt and whatnot that soap didn’t. It felt so righteous to see that stuff on the cotton-ball afterward. “Ha ha, thought you could fool me did you? You may have beat soap and water, but you’re no match for glorified rubbing alcohol! I order you back to hell, facial schmutz!”
3. People who work in salons cannot pass a reflective surface without stopping, moving some of their hair around, and staring deeply into their own eyes. It’s kind of a chicken and egg thing; do only vain people work in this profession, or do you become vain from working in such a superficial profession? And I know they do not need my pity because they are SO DAMN FABULOUS!!
4. Is anyone judging me if I turn the “vibrate” setting on as high as it will go on the seat of my pedicure chair?