The Ever-Evolving Compendium of Satan’s Minions
In one of my posts, I made reference to the fact that it is my belief that cats are Satan’s minions. Which led a commenter to state that she believed joggers were also Satan’s minions. Which made me think that I need to keep a list, to keep track of that which is evil in this world. Feel free to contribute. Feel free to debate. (But in the end, I’m right.)
THE LIST:
Chickens
(Evil Chicken by Chorizo)
Cats
(Monster, Teh Cat by violet_bibop)
Joggers
(joggersby estherase)
Nancy Grace
(Nancy Grace CNN Headline News by dallee)
The “Snuggie”
Ann Coulter
I agree that all of these things are inherently evil. That’s why I own a cat. I would like to add The Snuggie to the list of things that are evil, if I may. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=huo7h53G0IM
I nearly didn’t allow it, Gwen. But since the husband has been begging me for a white one (so he can pretend he’s the Pope, and say all manner of blasphemous things), I’ll go there.
mosquitos? are they evil?
Gonna have to go with a no on mosquitos,
Carrie. I just feel like they’re stupid, not mean. Ask me again in July, though.
How about facebook status lines that are about daily tasks…and/or end in exclamation points? “Emma is doing laundry!”, “Julie is going shopping!”, “Christine is home!” Hmmm on second thought, those may just be annoying.
Oh, wait, I might have one. What about “Man In The Mirror” by Michael Jackson? I don’t know what it is about that song, it just pulls me in, even though I want to hate it so damn bad…
Map, you know how I feel when mouth breathers post their statuses. But I get so much joy out of laughing at them, I can’t drift to evil. (And I don’t hate Man in the Mirror. I hate MYSELF for loving it. And for crying one, perfect tear every time I hear it.)
I would like to personally push Nancy Grace down the stairs. Or up the stairs, it doesn’t really matter.
AND, now that CNN finally got rid of that blowhard Glenn Beck, they’ve found a super annoying lady named Jane Velez Mitchell to take his place and rant on endlessly about missing or murdered little white girls or other “high profile” and “sensational” crimes.
All the News That’s Lurid Enough.
Arrgghh.
Your blog is NOT evil. Glad to have found it.
Gotta go with Ann Coulter.
HereinFranklin: I wholeheartedly agree.
that particular cat looks evil. so he’s gotta be Satan’s minion.
Yes, I agree, Nancy Grace does appear to be satan.
My first experience with Nancy Grace was at 3 a.m. in an over-booked bus station in Richmond, VA, at top volume, under hideous fluorescence. She screamed for hours. I seriously, seriously, thought I was going to go crazy.
Are you still adding to this? Are people who name their children one name and then harp on an alternate pronunciation evil? Like calling your kid Maryanne and saying “No, it’s Mah-ree-ahn, like the French” every 5 seconds?
How about people who wear too small undies that bisect their butts into 4 cheeks instead of 2?”
Oh, I’m sorry. I misread. I thought it was a pet peeve tab. Do carry on with the notation of true evil.
I’d have to add clowns to the list. Spawn of Satan, definitely.
I’m a minion to Satan? So that’s why….
Being a jogger really has it’s own labels.
I’m with you on Ann Coulter.
Definitely with you on the cats. And Ann Coulter, though she may well be Satan himself, not a mere minion.
I would add to this list the band Creed. Clearly, they are Satan’s soundtrack of misery.
I concur. Ann Coulter is not a minion of Satan.
She’s a competing franchise.
Hey –
I’ve only just found your blog (why? where have I been looking?) but thought I’d contribute…
Seagulls.
That is all.
nuttycow called my attention to your blog and so I have found it VERY interesting… hehehehe
What’s evil???
I agree with the cat’s thing… but there is one thing that is absolutelly evil… and the biggest proof is that all of us who have one, can’t live without it: iPhone!
Am I right?!?!?!?!?!?
Rush Limbaugh.
I submit for your approval cyclists and jackasses who drive Audi’s… I have yet to see one who knows how to drive.
A-Freaken-Men!
http://failblog.org/2009/06/10/puddle-win/
that would be an audi being a jackass.
And those BIKE people. GAH, the spawn of satan and Ann Coulter.
People who don’t pick up after their dogs = evil.
I have a dog, and I feel like a total nerd on the way back from a walk, carrying my little bag of poo, and it’s totally gross…but I do it, because nobody likes to step in shit.
Worst thing is when you don’t even realize, and then you start smelling something bad…sniff around, and find you’ve tracked the prize left by someone else’s furry friend all over your carpet.
I once saw something in a giant chicken suit jogging down the street with a cat under under its arm. So…evil, right?
Also, cyclists and Audi-driving jackasses can’t both be evil, because they’re diametrically opposed. C’mon, that’s 10th-grade science class stuff — pick one and go with that. I suggest the jackasses.
Please, for the love of all that is good, my must include Paula Deen in your list of Satan’s Minions. That woman scares the shit out of me . . .
http://www.pauladeen.com/
Um . . . that would be “YOU” must include . . .
Sheesh! Maybe I should be on this list . . .
Oh man, gotta agree with tysdaddy on the Paula Deen thing…*shudder.*
Wish to submit for the approval of the midnight society…or at least our dearest Ginny, ads/websites/etc/etc that use or support pop-up ads…nothing in this world can be so evil as the popup. (And to any of those dustflavored trolls reading this, yes there are useful popups, and no I am not referring to those…)
That Anne Coulter thing had me feeling my throat for a good 10 minutes. I feel some relief. Not at finding that I’m not evil…just that I’m not, apparently, Adam’s-Appled.
I think people underestimate the evilness that is the chicken. Sure they start out all cute and fluffy and adorable. But once they get their feathers all hell breaks loose. They will hunt your ass down! They will see you across the yard and like a guided missle they won’t stop until they have taken a chunk out of you. The only good chicken is a dead chicken! (Unless it is making me some eggs)
I agree with this list wholeheartedly. Of course, even though cats are inherently evil, I still love the little buggers. Kill my allergies, pee on my roof, teach my dog how to arch her back little buggers.
I’d say that this list needs two more things to be complete, though… Jon & Kate (not the
and Heidi & Spencer. I swear to god, they are the most annoying people on the planet. And I have Nazis for neighbors, so that’s saying something.
…Also, Chris Brown and his damn bowtie.
First off, I love your blog. May I submit for consideration of the satan’s minions list the evil creations that are grasshoppers. Anything in this world that jumps really high AND flies is just plain evil. I mean, they just come right at you and hang on with their little sticky feet. Ughh!
I nominate jackrabbits as evil. I truly believe that they crawled (or maybe hopped) out of the depths of hell! First of all, at night, their eyes glow RED! And they’re homicidal. I swear – They will jump out in front of your vehicle in an attempt to get you to swerve and have a fatal vehicle accident. Evil I tell you! EVIL!